Everybody Loves Saturday Night

the plan

Yesterday, in addition to being Bastille Day, was the fourth anniversary of this blog. No wait: fifth. (Whoa. Wild!) In honor of this milestone, I've been inspired by several other bloggers to embark on 365 Days of Posting. Four months ago I don't think I would've felt up to the challenge. Today it doesn't feel like a challenge so much as an . . . imperative. (A moral one, at that.) (No, only kidding; that's from a movie.)

In unrelated, sadder news: the iMac celebration was premature, I'm afraid. Saturday's boot-up led to another kernel panic, or the same one, or the Son of Kernel Panic, or something . . . the point is, I got that multilanguage "You must restart your computer" message again. Sunday morning, and into the afternoon, I went through all the troubleshooting I could in order to fix it myself, but this time I was unsuccessful. And unwilling to let it sit for another four months (which I shouldn't have done in the first place, but, you know, bygones). So I packed it up and hopped a cab to Tekserve, which . . .  is really a glorious place, you know.

I got there at 4:30, knowing they close at 6:00 on Sundays, hoping that it wouldn't be too busy. And it wasn't. I was given a ticket with the number 41 on it; they were currently on number 38. I only had about a 20-30 minute wait. So far, so good.

My number got called, I explained to the Mac dude what had happened, what I did to try and resolve it, and what had initially caused the kernel panic to begin with (at least, I think it did -- way back in February I accidentally jostled the power cord while the iMac was on and it came unplugged from the monitor side). Mac dude did a couple voodoo-y things and then came back with "we can take it in for diagnostics." He said it could be one of two things: either bad RAM (which is the most common cause of kernel panics, from what I understand), which is easy to fix, or a bad logic board, which is not easy and extremely expensive to fix. The good news either way is that my hard drive is not affected. The bad news is that if it is the logic board I might as well go ahead and get a new computer. Truthfully, I've been wanting to get a laptop for a while now, but I would have to take a chunk out of my savings to do that and then put off the camera purchase, any hope of travel in the next six months, the air filter I want to get, and so on. This is also assuming that I don't get a new job and/or more freelance work within the next three months as I am hoping to do.

(Oh yeah, I'm looking for work. I either need immediate supplemental freelance work writing/editing stuff, either print or online, or a full-time gig in print/web production that pays a living wage. I have a bottom line; my current situation is about 5K under that. My company cannot meet my salary requirement because they're a small startup and they're being conservative with the budget. Which is understandable and fine for them, but unacceptable for me. Yes, they are aware of my circumstances.)

I should know the status of my computer by Thursday. Let's hope it's the inexpensive easy fix.

where've I been? what've I been up to?

I gave in to Twitter.

I wasn't going to. I thought it would suck all the time out of my day. I thought, "do I really need to know exactly everything that everyone is doing?" Because really? if I know that? then what else is there to talk about, right?

Besides, I had Facebook. Facebook has a lovely "status update" feature that I dig. I was really getting into the challenge of constructing a narrative about what I was doing or how I was feeling within that limited amount of space. Random thoughts would occur to me and I would put them in Facebook. Things like:

"Michelle is conflicted about the casting of Watchmen." (Seriously. Jeffery Dean Morgan as The Comedian? FUCKING BRILLANT. But Billy Crudup as Dr. Manhattan? No no no no no no NO. Then again . . . man, the rest of the cast looks pretty damn good.)

"Michelle is really kinda digging that Yoav CD."

"Michelle happens to have Marshall McLuhan right here."

See? Fun.

Then I realized that I was updating my Facebook status a lot more frequently. I'd become a little addicted to the mini-stories that comprised my average day. And that's when I thought again about Twitter.

The other thing I realized is that apparently I'm no longer content to just have the 60-odd friends on Facebook know what I'm up to; apparently I need the entire Twitterverse to know that, for example, that I ran out of coffee. And what I was listening to on the radio this afternoon. Again, a lot of the appeal is the challenge and fun of the ephemeral flash mini-narrative. Different than blogging, where I (usually. ok, sometimes) try to dig a little deeper.

And there's another difference that I haven't quite thought all the way through about yet. I feel as though I've become a little more guarded in what I write about here -- less personal than I was, say, three years ago or even a year ago. And yet . . . not that I am putting up extremely personal details on Twitter, but it feels like a more intimate setting for my daily minutiae. Even though, as I said, anyone can just read it. I'm still working on figuring this out. Not that it's taking up a huge part of my brain space.

more fun with scrabble

Yesterday I bingo'd twice in a row. That sounds dirtier than it actually is . . . but it was almost as satisfying.

day in the life

Inspired by Kim--this was my fairly excellent day yesterday:

6:00 AM ~ The morning routine with Scout begins. He gets close enough to my face that his nose touches my cheek, I push him off the bed. He meows. I shush. He meows. I shush. I am making more of an effort to get more sleep in the morning, as opposed to falling asleep by 9:30 PM, so I pull the covers up, ignore the outdoor noise, and try to drift back to sleep. Scout meows, I reach for the spray bottle, spray in his direction, he trots away.

6:30 ~ The above happens again.

7:00 ~ Lather, rinse, repeat.

7:30 ~ Now I get up. Scout is thrilled, follows me into the bathroom (to make sure I don't try to escape before feeding him?), then into the kitchen, where I open a new can of food, scoop a little into his bowl, gloop the rest into a container (I think I actually say "gloop" when this happens) and store it in the fridge.

7:35 ~ Shower time. The hot water is unusually fierce this morning, as though someone reset the boiler or something. I don't really know how all that works--just that I have to position the handle farther over on the "C" side than I usually do. I wash my hair for the first time since Wednesday--longer than usual; I've been averaging washing my hair every four days or so.

8:00 ~ I have dressed, combed through my hair (I will style/dry it later), and am now making coffee. Mmmmm, coffee. Today marks the first day in an extremely long time--quite possibly since the day I stopped working in an office--that I have showered and dressed before making the coffee. In the past I have gotten up, thrown on some clothes (which, prior to today, had been sweats and a t-shirt, or pajamas), made the coffee, gone to the computer, and read through news/blogs and started working for hours before I managed to make it to the shower--if I made it to the shower at all. Why the change in routine today? I think it's psychological. I am in a new phase, a new stage of life, there are things that I want to happen, changes that need to be made, and a change in routine is going to help me, if only by allowing for the possibility for a shift in attitude and perspective.

8:10 ~ Coffee mug in hand, I start on the pre-work Internet routine. Blogs are read, news is read, joblists are browsed (still nothing), Typepad is opened and I start jotting down notes for a review of Forgetting Sarah Marshall (coming soon). Scout jumps up on the desk, walks across the keyboard, settles down right next to the laptop. I hear kids on their way to school.

8:55 ~ Time for the second mug of coffee. I do not feel emotionally ready to start working.

9:01 ~ Check work email. Have a couple minor hissyfits. Write notes for things that need to change/be redone to prepare for the morning phone with boss.

10:11 ~ Phone call with boss, in which I offer to complete the work started by someone else and she agrees--we are running far too short on time for there to be another option. Today will be a busy day, but this is fine, because I haven't had a busy day in too long. Busy is far more preferable to not busy.

10:30-1:30 PM ~ I juggle between various work and non-work tasks. Mostly work (because I am BUSY, for the first time in MONTHS, and it feels GOOD), but I also do the dishes from last night and this morning's coffee. I go into the bathroom to run the iron over my hair and realize...I kinda like my hair right now. I've been drying it straight for weeks, so even without styling it is drying straight-ish, but with a little bit of kink. I run some straightening de-frizzing gel through my hair and let it be.

2:00 ~ I leave the apartment and head to the subway, en route to an appointment. My soundtrack for this trip: Elvis Costello & The Attractions, Get Happy!! (Sometimes I am obvious.)

4:25 ~ Back at my desk. My boss has sent an email that says she thinks the work I just submitted looks good. Excellent.

4:30 - 6:00 ~ More work time. My right eye starts bugging out with allergies. Have one last phone call with boss to set up tomorrow's agenda and go over a couple new items that came up during the day. We are agreed on many things. This makes work easy.

6:20 ~ Time to make dinner: Tomato, red onion and white bean salad (w/fresh oregano that smells fantastic and tastes sweet) and leftover mango chicken sausage.

6:45 ~ Food in hand, I settle in to finish watching No Country For Old Men. I started watching it weeks ago but fell asleep in the middle, a reflection more on my state of mind and circumstances than the movie itself, which is completely engrossing and excellent. When I'm done with dinner I pick up the Dollar and a Half cardigan back and hit the armhole shaping. The thought occurs to me that in order to get the back/fronts/sleeves to match up stripe-wise I may have to redo the sleeve cap.

7:45 ~ I watch the "Making of" bonus feature.

8:30 ~ Time for How I Met Your Mother. Another kinda meh episode.

9:00 ~ Gossip Girl, via DVR. A pretty sweet episode.

9:50 ~ I have completely forgotten that the sheets I ordered last week arrived this afternoon--I brought them up on my way back from my appointment but went straight back to work without opening them. I unpack them--the flat and fitted sheets are a solid terra cotta color ("Canyon," in the Company Store palette) while the shams (pillow cases were sold out) are "Tea Green." I'd prefer matching sheets but when clearance-shopping, you get what you can. Both colors coordinate with my comforter cover, so at least there's that. I just need to wash them now, which can't happen until Wednesday--the laundromat is closed on Tuesdays. Plus, bonus: the sheets came in one of those zippered pouches that I can repurpose for yarn storage.

10:00 ~ Despite getting up at 7:30, I'm getting pretty tired. It's been a busy day! I pick up I Capture the Castle and read on the couch, nodding off somewhere around 10:25 or so.

11:00 ~ Feed the cat one last time before bed. The minute I get under the covers Scout jumps up and settles in at the foot of the bed. I think it's safe to say that we've helped each other through the transition to single-occupancy.

Maybe today I'll be able to stay up past 10:30 PM. Or maybe this is only possible when I go out at night?

 

my life is in a state of disarray

I had a teacher who said that, once, and it was immediately inscribed in the Book my friends and I kept of the things he said that we found amusing. We found him amusing a lot--but mostly laughing at him, not with him. 16 was not an emotionally mature age for me. The word "disarray" still triggers this memory--in fact, this is the only thing I remember him saying, though we had copied down pages worth. And it's not even that funny. Maybe it was all in the delivery.

My life is currently in a state of disarray. Michael is moving out this week. That's all anyone reading this here needs to know; the details not for public consumption. But I seem to be compelled to record this turn of events. I wrote about the beginning of our relationship, so it seems fitting that at the very least I mention its end.

And I must mention my very excellent friends, who, though scattered across the world, are proving their excellence in many ways -- from offering retreat to sending care packages to leaving the comfort of their own homes to just sit with me. I realized a couple weeks ago that I have never experienced a breakup while having such a strong support network, and it's really making all the difference in the world. That I met most of these friends via this blog again merits mention.

In a very short period I have gone through just about all of the stages of grief and have come out at Acceptance. This is a death; it's the death of a relationship I had thought stronger than it was, and it is sad, and I will be sad for a while, but I can also see that being sad about the end of this relationship is better than being sad in the relationship which, through the clarity of hindsight, I have discovered was the case. In fact, I have discovered that it has been a really, really, really long time since I have been genuinely happy. And that's due to more than the broken relationship -- that's due to a number of factors that need sorting and cataloging (the process of which has already begun).

I'm staying where I am, geographically speaking, for as long as I can. I'm still so besotted with my neighborhood that I can't think of leaving it. I've put a lot of work into the apartment already, and frankly, I'm looking forward to doing more with the space. The decision to stay has required some belt-tightening and creative financial maneuvering and a whole new internal dialog about where I am and where I could be career-wise, but regardless of what happens I am financially able to stay where I am, and that's a comfort.

here's something

I have used the word "lackadaisical" at least three times within the last five days. I'm pretty sure I went for years and years without taking much notice of the word, whether it flew under my radar in other people's usage and/or I had no need for it. Now, apparently, it's the one word most apt in describing a great deal of things. Weird. Do you have words like that too?

Lackadaisical (adj.) Lacking vigor or enthusiasm; lazy, indolent; languid

Hmm. Yep, definitely apt.

I looked up the word's origins and found that it, unsurprisingly, derives from the expression "alack-a-day," used to express dismay (Example: I just ran out of yarn on the sweater I'm making.* Alack-a-day!). It used to be a strong expression, but got softer over time until it was used much in the way we say "oh, shoot" today. Kinda like how "awesome" used to mean not only awe-inspiring but also fear-inspiring, and now we say it -- or at least I say it -- when the slightest cool thing happens. "The bodega had one pint left of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby. Awesome."

[Sidebar: OK, I'm going back and forth between writing this post and reading Gothamist, and I just saw that Comic Con is in town this weekend. What a strange confluence of events to happen on the same weekend in NYC--Passover, the Pope, and Comic Con. I'd love to see the Venn diagram on that one.]

When "lackadaisical" appeared, sometime in the 18th century, it referred to someone who frequently exhibited dismay, regret, shame, etc. -- in other words, someone who would conceivably say "oh, alack-a-day" on a regular basis. And then, over time, it morphed into meaning someone who was helpless, often in an overly dramatic way (as you would expect someone who frequently bewails "oh, alack-a-day" would be). And from there, it evolved into its present-day meaning.

* This example is purely hypothetical, at least for now.

P.S. Last night I was at the Mermaid Inn, kicking back a refreshing martini along with a plate of fried calamari, which was served with thin lemon slices that had also been fried. It made me wonder whether this has always been a thing, or whether someone in the kitchen goofed once around the deep fryer and, serendipity strikes again, the results were tasty. Because my friends, the deep-fried lemon slices were so delicious that we asked our server to bring us a special small plate of just that. He did, which was, yes, awesome.

yay! also, padding the queue

Hey kids, if you want to read even more of me, go out and get the Spring 2008 issue of Interweave Crochet. I got a nice juicy article in there.

I need to start contributing to more magazines I want to get for free.

This issue also has some totally cute patterns. This is what's going in my queue:

I'm developing a slight obsession with crocheted skirts. I own one already (which I did not make), and I love it and will wear it until it falls apart. I have a ton of cotton yarn that I can't seem to part with, because I think it would work up into a really cute skirt (there's that phrase again...) and I have my eyes set on Violet Beauregard (Ravelry link). And now there's this one. It's so pretty, so work-appropriate (were I ever to, you know, need to work in an office again). I absolutely love the little faux slip of contrast color at the bottom.

I wish I had yarn for this already. Although maybe that grey linen I've had for freakin-EVER would work...wonder if I have enough...anyway.

And then there's this:

Which is just so pretty. It looks like it calls for sport weight yarn, but I can see using fingering weight to make something even more wispy and delicate.

And there's this as well:

First, this looks completely lovely and cozy. Second, the method of joining all the "dots" looks completely fun--what you can't tell from this picture is that those "dots" are really circles with loopy chains crocheted around them, and then instead of sewing or crocheting the motifs together, you use your fingers to link the loops together. Finger crochet! I haven't done that since I was 7! Awesome!

out of writing, more writing

Seriously. Writing is a never-ending, sustainable resource. If only it could be used as an alternative electric power source.

It never fails--if I have a lot of writing to do, say for an article or something, I will ultimately get more accomplished if I take a little break to write something else than if I take a little break and, say, clean or cook or shop.

It keeps me from getting overwhelmed--something I am in constant danger of.

You may have noticed...I haven't missed a day of posting yet. Granted, it's only been 7 days.

I'm feeling pretty good because I gave away yarn yesterday. Not a lot, but enough to feel like I decluttered a bit.

I woke up really early this morning (writing to do, writing to do) and so the picture out my window is very dark. You can barely see the tree. In fact, I bet on some browsers you can't see it at all.

No idea what that light is. It's from the top of a building somewhere, most likely on Atlantic Ave.

I will admit that there's a part of me just waiting for the day I miss posting, or forget to take a picture out my window. I'm enjoying it, though. I find myself wanting to get to my office first thing after I wake up so I can take the picture, which is going to look different from the previous day's picture. It's not like the view is anything to write home about, but it's mine and it's ordinary and special because of that.

ok, back to work everyone.

Play time is over.

Michael and I have dubbed 2008 as the Year of Upgrades. He's going to be getting a new computer, a new job. We've already begun upgrading the apartment--hey, it only took 1.5 years. We may even hang pictures today. Shocking!

As for me, there is much that I would like to see happen in the next 12 months, in both material and personal ways. I would really like to find ways to not get so worked up over daily irritations. I would like to be more professionally and creatively fulfilled--ideally I'd like to have both those things happen simultaneously. I'd like to find a professional mentor, something I've never had before and something I really think I need right now. Someone to talk to about what's going on job-wise, because I'm still new to the publishing industry and need someone objective to simply guide me through the politics of it all and someone to advise me on getting to the next stage of my career. Right now one of the main questions I have is whether I am more suited to a freelance life than a steady, single job life. And could I really be that organized (she asks, surveying the random piles of crap all around her and remembering that it took 10 minutes to find a magazine yesterday)?

So there's a lot on my mind these days, and writing about it, however vaguely, does help me sort things through, help point the way to finding answers. Just as I was writing the previous paragraph I remembered someone I've been meaning to email who, now that I think about it, could be a good person to talk to.

The connections between writing and thought never cease to amaze me. When I'm writing, it usually just feels like writing. Just putting words down. When I'm writing anything and it's the least bit difficult, I keep telling myself "just get the words out, it's just one word after another" and I'm not always conscious of how one word after another after another after another equals a sentence, a thought, an idea. But then as I'm writing, something in the back right corner of my mind will pop up as if it's saying, "this is all very interesting, what you're writing here, but have you considered this way of solving your problem?" I would like to learn to take these moments of insight as gifts, and not be down on myself for not having them sooner.

 

~~~~~

Oh, and I wouldn't mind a new camera this year, either.

~~~~~

Yesterday's knitting:

Why, a sock, of course. This is Claudia's Hand Painted Yarns, "Ingrid's Blues." One of the prettiest colorways I have ever seen. I've had this in my stash, one of those special yarns I wanted to save for a special day, or a special pattern. The first of the year, especially since it was a rainy day, seemed a good time to work with it. I decided to work up the Anastasia Socks from Pepperknit Patterns to give the variegation a little boost--not that it needs it. I opted for the Turkish cast on instead of the short-row toe because I like it better . . . but I must remember that I should cast on more than 8 stitches to start. That toe is a little too pointy. And even though I've tried to veer away from extreme variegated sock yarns lately, I have to say that this yarn really does the concept of variegation justice. Look at how gorgeously it's striping, consistently throughout the toe increases. I'm really enjoying this yarn.

Yesterday's crochet:

(If Scout insists on sleeping on my photo shoot space, then he gets used as a backdrop.)

This, my friends, is a hexagon. A hexagon that needs to be redone, actually, because I made one crucial error way at the beginning--I forgot the last [2 double crochet, ch 2] on the second round (the green after the gray). That's why it looks lopsided. And I thought I had counted the right number! Ah, well. It at least serves well enough to introduce my latest obsession: that hexagon blanket. I saw it on Ravelry, of course. Then I found the Flickr group Hexagon Love. I found out that the pattern comes from a Japanese book that can be pretty hard to find and once found takes very long to get. So I found a few close up shots of hexagons and could figure out the general idea. And then I Googled until I found someone who had "reverse engineered" the basic pattern. Turns out, I wasn't too far off the mark!

The yarn is Mission Falls 1824 Wool, purchased in the first throes of ripple madness. I've decided to do some yarn/project reshuffling and use the Mission Falls for the hexagon afghan (very long-term project). I still want to make the ripple afghan, so I'm re-purposing the yarn I've chosen for the Psychedelic Squares afghan. I have many more colors of the Baabaajoes than I do of the Mission Falls, so I think it's more suited to the ripple pattern--and honestly, I can't see myself making 80 knitted mitred squares. Even if I did, I'd have so much yarn left over. This is really the best solution.

word play

The one thing I'd been waiting to happen in all my adult Scrabble-playing years finally happened.

I had QIVIUT on my rack.

In my daydreams about this I never once imagined that I would have no place to put it. Of course not! In my daydreams QIVIUT went on a triple word score with the V on a double letter score, giving me 66 points. Worst case scenario, QIVIUT misses the double word score tiles and only lands on a double letter score tile with a low-scoring letter, which would be acceptable because I would have played QIVIUT. There are times when the awesome word trumps the high score. Thus is my Scrabble philosophy.